I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
