Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
