Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
