Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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