i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
