his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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