I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
