This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
