it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
