went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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