I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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