So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
