I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
