You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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