You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
