Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
