My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize