so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
