She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
