i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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