Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
