So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
