OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just saw a hot homeless man
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
