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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
