Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
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just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
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He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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