dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
