Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
