Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
