Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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