Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
