if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
