i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
