Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
