Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
