OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You pole danced in your parka.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
