We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
