I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
