remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
