you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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