I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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