and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
