We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize