you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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