There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
