Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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