I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
