Umm I'm too high to move.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
