So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
