i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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