Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
