So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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