im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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