So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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