grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
