he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
