So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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