Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
