so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize