So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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