You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
