P.S. I can't hear my feet
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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