i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
