I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
