I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
false alarm. still invincible.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
