The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
