It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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