I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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