So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
